Very few people understand what it means to exist as nothing. Sitting alone on the edge of a black lake with no thoughts in my head or feelings in my heart, I knew exactly what nothing was.
Eternity could have come and gone in those moments. Time does not exist in this void. I’ll never know for sure, just like I’ll never know the life I could have led. One where I never would have made the choices that brought me to this place.
Did I care about that now though? I don’t even remember my own name, let alone the deeds I had done in my former life. Life itself was a concept I could only barely grasp, a theory I had very little faith in.
My little piece of shore in this underground cavern was the only real thing I knew. The solid ground underneath me is my anchor in this world I cannot understand. And I cling to it fiercely while I continue to search for some sort of explanation.
What could I be in this new world if I wasn’t alive? I know the answer before I even finished the question, and strangely I feel a cool peace at the thought. Fear was irrelevant now, because it was reserved for those with something to lose.
You see, I have nothing to fear because I am already dead.
un-forgiven 